Bobby D Bobby D
What have you done with your life, Bobby D

One time pimp and hustler
And current heroin addict
In the 80’s
You had it all
Car, women, money
You had bitches
In Grand Rapids, Detroit,
Columbus
Ran an escort service in Muskegon

“Street whores and escort girls
are two different breeds of whore,”
you said to me at the cab company.
“Escorts you split the money fifty-fifty.
You don’t have to slap them around.
Street whores you take all there money
And but their food, pay their rent,
Set them up with nice cloths, lifestyle
Because otherwise they’ll run out and spend
It all on cocaine. You have to brainwash them.
Straight-up pimpin’ is a rough life,
Especially for a white guy like me.

You told me that you married an escort.
“She went to the slammer with me
For writing bad checks. I was in there
Eight years on account of her.
She was a straight up two-timing
psychopathic lying coke whore.
But she was a fantastic fuck.
One night she licked my asshole,
Mouthed my balls,
and swallowed my cock
in one swoop.
The next morning I gave her a diamond.”

Bobby D Bobby D
What have you done in this life Bobby D

You had all the coke and H you could ever want.
You associated with mafia types,
Running down to Columbus, Oh
To give Big Pauly his take
You were a tough guy
And took no shit from anybody.
When you went to the slammer
You knocked out a lot niggers
Even after they took a baseball bat
To your skull

Bobby D Bobby D
What have you done with your life Bobby D

After you got out
You bought a Lincoln
Painted it white
put a meter in it
and started driving cab
You’d sit at the airport
And bullshit with everyone
And tell stories
And do your Dice man impression
(who was your hero)
and regal us with stories of sleaze
and low rent decadence.
Like when you’d go see your prison
’buddy in Detroit
and fuck whores and do coke
and go see the best shows in town for free
because his Uncle was in the Mafia.

You told us this story:
“My buddy was just low level criminal
And such a lame that his uncle
wouldn’t even let him run his own chop shop
so he rented a house in Toledo
turned the whole fuckin’ place
into a grow room
had at least $1,000,000
worth of high quality weed
but would only check it once a week
and never even thought the landlord
would check the place out from time to time
even though the lawn was never cut
and the place was falling apart
so one day the cops were waiting
for him there
so he went to prison
and that’s how he met ol’ Bobby D.

Things were going great
But you started binging on heroin again
And not paying the cab lease
And you lost that Lincoln.
And the owner of the cab company
accused you of being a crack head
even though you were
just a heroin addict
so he wouldn’t let you drive his cabs.

When you started Dispatching at Port City.
You were really good dispatcher.
When I came over there to drive
I’d buy you beers during your shift
So you’d feed me good runs
But you were fired
Twice for showing
Up to work
All fucked-up on H and nodding.
Now you’re living in Wyoming
Living off of some woman
Wondering what to do next.
You are 46 years old.

Bobby D Bobby D
What have you done with your life Bobby D

God never gives you more than you can bear

They said as they sliced open his belly
And held his inards to his eyes

God never gives you more than you can bear

Said the rapist
Before he sliced her throat

God never gives you more than you can bear

Said the soldiers
As they executed his wife and children
Before him

God never gives you more than you bear

They said as he awoke with his flesh
Burned And mutilated
Over 75% of his body

God never gives you more than you can bear

They said as my mother washed away the blood
From my sisters tumor that grew from inside her
Ear just before she bled to death

God never gives you more than you can bear

They said as I watched my sister wither and die
Breathing the same air that was her last breath
As I sat beside her

God never gives you more than you can bear

God gave my sister
all she could
On may 4 1991
After 5 years
of chemo
radiation
surgery
mangling
paralyzing
her face
She was 18 when she died
she never let it
get her down
Because she was strong
stronger than me or
anyone I know

God never gives you more than you can bear

Fuck you god
Fuck you god
Fuck you god
Fuck you god
Fuck you god

God never gives you more than you can bear

Because god never bares more than he can give

you are the manacled poison jaw
in the shit parade

you brilliant self loather
self idolator
masturbator of ego

where is Buddist self
but in a hotdog
a pop can
a medicine jar

in a car wreck
the clasp of hands
a full nelson

in an orgasm
a spasm
a twinge of pain

you regal shit
you low rent pervert
you basement dweller

you noble poet
and humanitarian
you lover of flesh
and spirit

you jiggling baboon

stop talking about yourself

to mesh my hands in your soggy bush
to pull back bloody meat
ahhhl . . .
the stumps of love

corpses are not beautiful
necrophiles are delusional hypocrites

remember this
when the next round
of necrophilia chick
hits the Christian coffee houses

the porn theaters
will sigh
with cum and grief

orgasms make people stupid
but brain damage never bothers
most people including myself

so bring on the tingling calvary
we'll ride into the desert sunset
encrusted with our own goo

pornography is the low comedy
of our time

basement boy
tender monster
he either growls or whimpers
but it's scarier when he masturbates

our thoughts are not so human anymore
reptile brain
that irritates the cerebellum
until it just quits

and we're pissing on the rug
smelling hairs
sensations
the slickness of our sweat

become living slime mutants
from the fifties

deformed by self loathing

poem poem poem
here we go
writin’ words again
like it matters
like we're gonna get famous
or somethin’
or whatever

who cares
might as well
do laundry
wash dishes
pluck grey hairs
from my beard
check my e-mail
then i’ll write a wonderful poem
you'll think i’m so deep

all the cool hippy chicks
with large chests
at the poetry reading
will talk to me
i’ll smile and nod
try not to stare too much

they’ll know i’m looking at their chests

they won't care
because i’m a sensitive poet
looking for a bosom on which
to rest my weary head

Here are some crucifixion tips
Keep nails sharpened
Use oak that is sturdy and reusable
Crown of thorns
From finest rosebushes
Hire only Roman guards
Of most brutal nature
Who delight
In the puncturing of flesh
Find ungrateful flock
Who though
Worship you one day
Spit upon you the next

When you have collected these necessary articles
Commence with your glory

I had never felt so wanted.

I was their divine object of hatred.

Godlike
Immortal
Still alive. I was

With my entrails;
My belly ripped open to masturbate

They tore me limb from limb

Community fuck festival

Fuck the freak
Sacrificial lamb for coming of age rites

Fuck the freak
Fuck the freak
They chanted.

They shred my flesh to ribbons
They orgied
They fucked and fucked me
Oh, how they were all so cruel

With dozens of orifices
I was a cunt-faced hermaphrodite
To satisfy their needs
I was quite able
They would stand in line for hours

In the school auditorium
While the parents watched
The administration, the school board
The teachers, the janitor
The entire school population
As I was gangbanged
But in junior high it was much worse
You know that children can be vicious

Friday 3:00pm
Get off bus.
Go to 1245 Division.
Port City Taxi.

Grab keys.
Start taxi.

Left turn on Division.
Right turn on Hall

Get on the radio to the dispatcher.
Start pickin’ up people in the hood.

Mainly getting short runs,
Mothers loading
sugar addled kids
Into my cab,
screaming the whole time,
“Shut-up, Shut-up!!”
as they go three blocks
And making 17 stops.

Left turn on Franklin
Right turn on Wealthy
Left on Logan
Right on Humbolt
Right on Oakdale
left into Madison Foods
Left on Dunham
Right on Sheldon
Left on Griggs

“Man, why this cab cost so much?”

She hands me three dollars.

After a few hours of this
I feel like killing small animals

But I now know what I have to do.

The dispatcher sitting all alone
at the cab company
is a 300 lb. Black woman
named Snuggles.
She gets on the radio.

“Number 26, what are doin’?”

“I’m coming down there to rub my hands
all over your body.”

Right Turn on Hall.
Left Turn on Division

A little while later
I’m on my way to Muskegon
With a fare.

After getting back into town
I pick up at the Meijer’s
At 28th and Kalamazoo.

It’s an older black woman
With a cart full of groceries
Which I load into the trunk.
We’re going to the Franklin Projects.

Left Turn onto Kalamazoo

“How are you doin’ today.
What do you think of this cold weather?"

“I’m an old woman and my bones is cold.
I’m from New Orleans originally
And I can’t take this cold.”

“Been livin’ here for a few years .
All my people’s is here now.
I got 24 grand children
And four great grand children.

Left turn on Hall.

You must miss goin’ to Mardi Graw.”

“Yes, I do. Before I die
I wanna go back
To Mardi Graw
And see the naked mens.”

Right turn on Hall.

“I always had fun at Mardi Graw.
Nekkid mens, nekkid womans,
Jazz, dancing, some voodoo
Goin’ on, you know”

“Voodoo?”

“Yeah, I know some folk’s down there
into Voodoo. I did it once.
Got possessed by the devil
And danced around.
I hope the good lord forgive me.
But my Aunty was really into it
And she’s 108 an’ don’ look a day older than 60.
Witcher woman, she was.

Left turn on Deleware.
Pull up to her tiny little apartment.
Help unload her groceries.
She tips me $3.00.

Right on Deleware
Left on Division.

A few hours later.
Time for bar closing.

A word of advise for aspiring cabdrivers.

If it is 2:30 in the morning
And you are pulling up to Monty’s
And see three staggering young men trying
To wave you down
Drive the fuck away
Because the are most likely bitter alcoholics
Who couldn’t get laid on a Friday night.

all I saw was dollar signs.

the three Stifflers get into my cab.

“Hey there fuckin’ fucketty fuck,
how the fuck are ya doin’ tonight.
Fuckin’ aye, man. Don’t mind these
Fuckin’ cock smokers next me.
They’re just a couple of faggots.”

So on we go to the Greenwich Apartments
Off of Alpine.

Right on Broadway.

“Hey fuckin fucketty fucks bitchs fuckin’
fucks fucketty fuck ain’t no faggot
fucketty fucketty fuck you fuckin
queer baitbait mothers fuckers”

They start slapping each other.

Left on Leonard

“Hey, cabdriver, you’re not gonna take
the fuckin’ long way, are ya. Cabdrivers
are always takin’ the fuckin’ longway.”

I say, “Why. You can’t afford it or something?”

Right on Alpine
The three Stifflers fall in love with me.


Fuckin’ fucketty fuck, man.
You are a great fuckin’ guy.
Man, you gotta come in and
burn one with us, man.
Fuckin’ fucketty fuck, man.
I love this guy.

Right into Greenwich Apartments.

The three Stifflers decide
They are not leaving my cab
Until I burn one with them.

I say,”Ok let’s go.”

At that point,
I take out my 38
And shoot two of them in the head
And take the other one into his apartment
At gunpoint
And turned him into my prison bitch.

“Eat my big cock of death, you jock motherfucker.”

Back to reality, I tell them to get the fuck out of my
cab
Before I call the cops. The little pussies apologize
And hand me a big wad of cash.

Left turn on Alpine.
Right turn onto 131 South.
Left onto Hall
Right onto Division.

Count my cash, pay the cab lease.

Then take a cab home.

Cab driver asks me how my night was.

About average, I say.

A photograph
Was all that was left
Of a civilization

Blown to bits
By its own idiocy

The photograph was in black and white
Its edges were crinkly

The only proof that
Humanity had ever existed

Just like the minds of the destroyers

It was a picture
Of some guy’s cock.

A man with a puckered face
Holds a flower in one hand

And a dead monkey
In the other

He looks at his mother
And asks,

“Why?”


The president of the United States
To the cameras
Before the nation

Announces that the missles are flying
Yes, hallelujah the missle are flying!!

Holds a crisp $100 bill
with both hands

and asks plaintively

“WHY?”


A grossly fat black woman
Hurls herself naked

Through the front window
of a McDonald’s

She orders a double ¼ pounder
With cheese
And before she bleeds to death

She recites this rap lyric

Why the existential dramas
Why the wretched karmas
Why the unkind desire
Why the soul for hire
Why the strong over the meek
Why the disease of the week
Why the pretentious mind games
Why the beast that music tames
Why this world of shit
Why on my ass I sit

Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy

Are we so wretched and beautiful
So wise and stupid
So kind and violent

Why doesn’t God open the clouds to us?


A poet
Exposes himself at the open mic
Because he has run out of ideas

As the audience roll onto the ground
With hilarity

The poet whispers very quietly
Into the mic

“Why.”

This movie drove me fucking insane!!

Who cares about these yuppie narcissists
And their softly depressing lives

The soft irony, soft humor
The downcast eyes and mouths
The passionless romance

Oh such elegant suffering
Such emptiness
In posh high rise apartments

The Bill Murray character
Wasn’t even half as annoying
As the young yuppie woman
Played by……oh…..what the fuck is her name

Here’s the spoiled little bitch
In the middle of one of the world’s
Greatest cities, Tokyo

With its amazing yet unfathomable
Culture

A whole world to explore

And all this bitch could do
Was whine to somebody
On her cell phone
How she went to a Buddhist temple
And felt nothing

Boo Fucking Hoo!!

Maybe if she got off the vicadone
She’d feel something

The Bill Murray character
Liked him better in Scrooged
Rich actor on a career downswing
Kind of had a hard time feeling his pain
can’t speak the language
can’t get laid
oh my god let’s make
a whole boring movie
out of the ordeal

But the thing that really bothers me
Is that every fucking critic
And everyone I know
Slathered praise
Over this pretentious piece of tripe

Why all the bother
over this existentialist bullshit?

All I could have hoped for was for
Godzilla to flatten Tokyo
Sometime during the movie

But I had to turn it off
So I wouldn’t vomit
On my Jason Vs. Freddy DVD

Which was shit
But much more entertaining

No time for fake poignancy
When Freddy and Jason are coming
To disembowel you
For smokin’ pot and havin’ sex.

Much more meaningful.

Maybe I’m just too white trash
to appreciate the subtleties
but give me the original
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Over this garbage.

Fuck you, Sofia Coppola
For wasting my time.

Go back to skeezing
Off your Daddy’s trust fund

Get the fuck out of movies.

Shit charade
On a Saturday moon

Wrestling midgets
Shoot Draino in June

Sing the Hucklebuck
It’s a very swell tune

I left my heart
With a hooker in Dallas


Jason Vs. Freddy
was a very cool flick

Fredrico Fellini
Can suckle my dick

Jim Jarasmusch
In the groin I’ll kick

I think I’ll go watch
Cannibal Holocaust and a porno.

Dr. Laura
Is an anal retentive bitch

Screeching moralist
Such a goddamn witch

But back in the 70’s
She posed naked for a guy named Mitch

I’d like to get her drunk
And fuck her on her front porch

If my mom and dad
Really loved me

They would go out
And buy me a HUM-VEE

Even though
I look like Humpty Dumpty

In the meantime I’ll just have to shoot heroin
And shit in my diaper

You may think
This is a stupid song

In my opinion
You may not be wrong

But I also think
I look good in a thong

Does anybody want to
Pay for my sex change
Operation?

In the spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge
I say
Fuck Christmas!
Christmas is for losers and faggots
Bah Humbug and all that shit.
I’d rather blow my brains out,
Jump out a window,
Swallow drain-o,
put a weasel in my rectum
than give presents
to the undeserving freeloaders.
I will light children’s’ toys on fire
As they weep bitterly
Into their mother’s nightgowns.
Fuck old Saint Nick
In his asshole
With Rudolph’s severed penis
After I run over his ass with a lawnmower
After I shove broken glass
up Mrs. Clause’s cunt
as I turn the elves into child molesters.
They will run all over the world fucking
Good little boys up the ass for Christmas.
Because I am the Black Santa of the Apocalypse
The Anti-Santa.
To hell with all children
All those noisy little monsters
Let them toil
In South American sweatshops
16 hour days
so I can go to Toys R Us
and buy up everything real cheap
go to my room
and play with all the cool toys
before I break them
When I was six years old
I found out there was no Santa Clause
And wept bitterly.
I have not forgiven the world since.
I wanted the Millennium Falcon
And he wouldn’t give it to me
All I wanted was the Millennium Falcon
All he ever gave me were stupid Lego’s
Year after year I would sit on his lap
To ask him and that fat bastard
wouldn’t give it to me
So finally when I was twelve I peed on his lap
And that’s when Mom and Dad
Told me he wasn’t real just some stupid
Bum who couldn’t get a real job
So now I have all the cool toys
And you bums can’t have them
Because their mine all mine
Get your own
You communist
It’s
MINE!!!!MINE!!!!!MINE!!!!!MINE!!!!MINE!!!!!MINE!!!!!
Fuck you! You can’t have them
So go ahead and suck on my candy cane
Because I’m a success
And you’re a failure
You’re all just a bunch of lazy slugs
Who have to get jobs as department store Santas
I’m doing away with all this Christmas bullshit for
good
It all just a wealth redistribution plot
Put forth by communists
You can’t take my toys away!

I was a perverted bumpkin
Succumbing to puerile malaise
Such a blooming boy
Sad and shy


13 years old
Jacking off in the library bathroom
While looking at
nude photography books

Later in life
Going to porn shops
Masturbating in the gallows booths

Females were too remote
for my smelly feet

They did sniff me away

Even after I learned to wash them

Whores for me and
All the rest of the
lonely nerds
out there

until we are lonely old men
and the lovelies
fondle our penises
out of pity

She licks my cock
From base to shaft
Wrapping her tongue
like a
Gluttonous serpent

She swallows my cock
The gag reflex
At the back of her throat
Creating more friction
A quite pleasant sensation

"Hey baby. Take your teeth out."

She complies.

Best blowjob I’ve ever had.

Only cost me $5
And a candy bar.

Genitals oily and shiny



                     Mechanical thrusting

                     Sputtering



Orgasm like the trilling of RRRRssss





Fetus implant





                     Successful



Pulp                                    gulp

                     

                      Plop



                      Human

He muttered like a fish
Full of amoeba biscuits

Crawling like a snake in autumn

“Goddamn the butcher man
he made mince meat of my soul!”

He shared a cigarette
with a scarecrow

Blowing smoke rings
For the ravens
To knuckle through.

Greta, his high heeled bitch
Backed up the truck

To kick him in the nuts.

He muled for a while.

Decided to play Donkey Kong

At long last
He stuck the axe in the pine tree

And waited for the next thing.

Praise be
Those mad religious suicides
The desperately pious

Hearts pierced by stained glass
They walk with tragic halos

Primed lipped moral crusaders
Envy
These

Passionately schizophrenic zealots

For they have learned
To truly mourn their religious heritage

Some may say gargle my cum
And eat my balls

But I say eat my cum
And gargle my balls

I want to build a time machine
So I can go back and buttfuck
The Virgin Mary

So she can give birth
To the Anti-Christ
Out of her ass

And be the shit demon
That haunts my dreams

Just like the one
In that stupid movie
By the guy who made Clerks

Oh, by the way
Colin Wilson’s book
Is about how existentialism
Has reached an intellectual standstill
Because it is mired in nilhism
And pessimism
And if it is ever to develop further
It would have to take a more
Humanisticly optimistic approach

But before Mr. Wilson
Could demonstrate how
This could be done

I said,
"Hey, I need a blowjob."

So I called your mom
And said,

"Lick my anal crevice,
you sick little bitch.
I want to whip you with my cock
And fuck your armpit…."

And she says,

"I’ll be right over."

At that note,
I broke into song.

"Existentialism is an ism jism."

(Repeat ad nauseum, fall to the ground,
have a seizure, and crawl back to your seat
at the coffee shop)